About to Bloom…

I haven’t posted forever. I am beginning to realize how non-present I have been for at least the past year, and yet in many ways much longer than that as well. I feel, however, that I am about to bloom, blossom into the woman I have always wanted to be. I look at this picture of a cyclamen on my front porch that is just about to bloom and it resonates with me. Today was a day filled with beauty, and then class tonight hurt so badly I just needed to scream. I bet it’s painful to be birthed from a seed to a sprout, to leaves and eventually a flower. I am feeling that pain and at the same time, I know there is beauty about to be birthed forth. It is not a beauty I am unfamiliar with, because it is a part of me. It’s just been buried for so long. I wonder what color flower I will be, what shape, what form, what intensity… as portions of me open up that have been a long time hidden or uncared for, I experience a breath of fresh air, and pain right alongside the breath. I’m angry, I’m sad, I love, I hate, I rejoice and I scream, I dance, I sing and somedays I don’t know what to do… but it feels good to get to know myself without all the masks. I’m learning to breathe and sit with all of me, not just the happy parts.

Thinkin’ about posting again soon…

Talk about hiatus… a year is a bit long… so much creativity has happened, and been stifled at the same time… I feel myself emerging once again… maybe I should write about it!!!